Monday, March 29, 2010

Who Cares Who Saw It First?

So we have lots of exciting things happening around here in the land of Little Man.

As previously noted, he has successfully tried to escape from his crib for the first time, although his efforts were thwarted when we lowered his mattress to a height that is just out of reach... for now anyway.

His two front teeth are buldging through some stubborn gums that aren't quite ready to let them loose just yet but I feel that we are only mere days away from this happening, which will pretty much lock down LM's gerbil impersonation.

He has even shed his first drop of post accident blood on Dad's watch yesterday while I was at work. Nothing serious, although I'm sure the guilt that my hubby is suffering from is far worse than the actual injury ever had a shot at being.

However, the largest happening by far would be the progression of LM's movement. It would seem that he has finally jiggled the gear shift loose that has been stuck in reverse for weeks and thrown that sucker into drive. Yes he is finally crawling forward! This of course was relayed to me via TEXT MESSAGE. (gasp!) "What?!" you say? Yes, it is true, I MISSED IT!  (forgive me for a moment while I lick the still very raw wound and regain my composure.)

You see, yesterday I worked a marathon amount of hours and was out of the house early in the morning and didn't return until dinner time. This is the sign of a great day in my job but a sign of the worst day in the life of a new mother, who doesn't want to miss any of her son's firsts. I love my job because it affords me the opportunity to make my own hours, which allows me to spend quality time with my son without sacrificing my career. However, yesterday I cursed it.

No offense to my husband who is always on my end of this recent spectrum, in that he travels exstensively and often misses many of LM's firsts, only to share in them through a text message or video that I email so that he feels a part of it. I'm always ecstatically sending these milestones without realizing that while my husband is so grateful to feel connected to home while he's away, it also simultaneously makes him feel horrible that he's missing out on it happening live. I always reassure him that it's no big deal, "he'll do it again for you when you get home." I now see how little comfort that offers to the parent who can't be there to see it for themselves. In fairness, he did try to soothe the burn by offering a white lie in the form of a "don't worry, it's hardly noticeable, I mean only I really notice it." riiiight.

So I have to admit, yesterday I was heartbroken when I was alerted of this hugely exciting milestone. By the time I got home it was bed time and LM wasn't up to dazzling me with his new skills. I read him a story and snuggled him tight until he fell asleep, feeling like the worst mom ever for not being there to see him achieve something so great.

As if that weren't bad enough, this morning I had to race out to work again to tie up some loose ends from yesterday and missed most of the morning with him. Just when I was starting to feel disconnected and questioning whether or not I really am doing the best job of juggling all of my responsibilities and feeling fulfilled at the same time, my son did the best thing I could ever ask for.
At the sound of my voice returning from work, he became very excited and lit up like a firework when he saw me come into view and with that, feverishly crawled right to ME to collect his smother of kisses that I happily planted all over his chubby little cheeks. It wasn't until I loosened my proud, loving grip on him that I noticed that I had tears rolling down my cheeks.

You see, the most important thing is he's learning and growing everyday and that is an amazing thing to watch. With each new skill learned he seems so happy and excited to show it off, that watching him conquer all of these little hurdles in life is incredibly rewarding for all of us... no matter who gets to see it first.

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